hardened

you ask me why
i have changed
why
i am not the same person you once knew

you see, I've been hardened

just like in metalworking
a metal is subjected to high temperature
sometimes high strain
which changes it's internal structure
irreversibly
and then it is rapidly cooled to hold that changed state
resulting in a much hardened product than before
i too had been subjected to
a series of similar intense heat
profound warmth
prolonged forces of passion
and something that seemed to be love
and that had changed the internal structure of
my heart
my soul
my poems
permanently

and each time
it was followed by a rapid coolness
an abrupt detachment
a sudden dispassion
a sharp and bitter closure
to the whole process
that could have resulted
in something else...

my internal structure is ever dynamic
with all the constant heat and cold treatments
this process called life keeps offering me
and my heart keeps going through plastic deformation

so you see, you will never find the same old person you knew once
so don't come and expect to break me with your same old load

i have been hardened